Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
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