I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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