im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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