plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
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