I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Randomize
