There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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