I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
