I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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