oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize