come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
