God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
