I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
