he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
