You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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