Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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