I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
