I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
