I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Randomize
