weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Boobs are out for the taking
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize