Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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