i don't like sucking hair
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
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