I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
