I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
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