I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Randomize
