How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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