you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
