I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
