found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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