If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
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