It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Drunk is a universal language darling
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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