woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
