You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
