Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
nutella sex= disaster
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
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