sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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