i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
We have so much sex to catch up on
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
