I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
