Cold hands, warm shart.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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