remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
