The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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