it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Randomize
