Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
