we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Randomize
