maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
