Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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