My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
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