I love black thongs
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
