i wish starbucks made bloody marys
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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