i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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