OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I just found a bag of teeth...
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
