4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
