I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
