He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize