My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
