accomplished twins. life is a go
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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