there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Ladies don't puke and tell
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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