he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
