Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
