girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
