I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
