one might say we're banned from that church
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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