My balls are so social today.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
