something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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