you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
