I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
