new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
